Now I Know…

Well, I don’t really know if I’ve written about ‘The Problem’ here before. Let me just be brief. In Chong Hwa last time, remember I have my own canteen gang? Well, we had a little problem of our own. There was once when Jun Wen asked the rest of the friends whether they want to go and catch a movie but he didn’t ask me. I felt so left out. Being me, I voiced out my ‘angryness’ at Jun Wen. I told KKY about this feeling of being left out. We found out that basically, we have this feeling for a long time ago already. It’s an inevitable kind of problem. I mean there will always be someone who is feeling left out in any kind of relationship. I thought this won’t be a problem in my college.

BUT HOWEVER…

The problem arises yet again. I can’t name people but a few people will know this. Basically, I’ve always hated this kind of feeling. This is a little different from my high-school-feeling-left-out problem, but it is kind of similar in a few ways. I can’t really elaborate on this as realationships might turn sour. So, I’ll leave out names.

Can someone save me? Give me a SOLUTION!!!!!

Guess What?

Guess where am I surfing the net now. One guess. Don’t know? COLLEGE! WaHoo! I’m here at college at 8.30am while my class starts at 10am. Bummer. Gonna blame my dad. He told (well, not really told, more like forced) me to come to college earlier as he is afraid that I 1. Am Caught In A Jam 2. Can’t Find A Parking Place 3. Am Damn Annoying At Home. So, here I am in Inti College. All alone. Alone with my trusty laptop and a weird-and-always-like-acting-up internet connection (no complains! It’s free!). And of course, my hunger. What a ‘great’ combination.

So, college life is … is … is … well, free. Haha. I have loads of free time on my hand. For example, now. I haven’t really known many friends yet. I have only a few friends here (New friends mostly). So, I’m nearly always lonely. Gag gag puke gag. I miss my Chong Hwa friends and ‘Ye Chong Hwa’ lifestyle. We don’t really have much free time on our hands in Chong Hwa. All of our free times are used to talk nonsensical stuff with our friends. I was never lonely while I was in Chong Hwa (Well, form 4 and form 5 larrrrr).

It seems to me like I’m going back to Chong Hwa nearly every week. I guess I do miss my old school a lot. It seems kind of weird saying school as I don’t really know which school I refer to. Chong Hwa or Inti?

I don’t really know what to blog now as I’m HUNGRY!!!! I’ll continue next time. Till then~~

PS: IMPORTANT! MUST REMEMBER! 13TH JANUARY! MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Start Of My New Life

It’s a new year and my life as a college student starts tomorrow!

WISH ME LUCK!

PS: The shortest blog entry ever!!!

I’m Missing You

Choir camp started and ended. My life as a choir member is a fun one. I can’t get myself to use the word ‘was’. I love my choir. Choir is where my heart is. Choir is my second home. I can’t believe that I won’t be practising songs every first recess next year already. Although I didn’t really cried during the ‘Farewell Party’ held in honour of school leavers, I was crying in my heart. I will miss choir a lot. My friends, my memories will always be in my heart forever.

The first day of choir we played with water. It was damn fun. We would sneak up to people and pour bowls or even buckets of water on people. To top it up, we were playing in the rain too. We were wet, wet wet!!!! At night before a small discussion for a show we are supposed to put on 2 days later, a few guys (including me) told ghost stories in the male hostel (Room 503). We were so scared that everyone ran out of the room together when we were supposed to meet up with the rest of the choir members. We were so dumb. Next, this group of people and some other people including girls went to the ‘haunted place’ in our school. It’s a building which is shaped like a hexagon. Legend says that a long time ago, there was a tree full of human heads in the middle of the building (The middle of the building is an open area). We walked around the building. When we reached the staircase, we didn’t know there were people walking down. As we were already scared, we screamed like mad and ran off. We laughed a lot after that. Next, we went to the classroom and chatted a lot. We chatted about ghost, aliens and many other stuff. Got a lot of new information there. At night in the male hostel (Room 503 yet again), the ghost story session started again.

The second day of choir was just okay. We had to listen to a teacher give a talk on how to ‘open your voice’. I nearly slept through that. We played games too. It was fun but it’s kinda hard to describe it with words. The day ended with us playing cards and sleeping…

The third day of choir was FUN! Full of memories…. We were supposed to do acts. There are 9 groups and each group acted. Some were funny, but my group’s act was kinda touching. We talked about hunger in Africa. I heard some people cried. Success xD Most of the acts were dirty. We laughed like hyenas. At night was the party for us school leavers. Guess what? All the school leavers have to wear pretty pretty girls clothes. And that includes us guys. EEWWWwwww….. xD We even had to put in fake boobs made out of tissue paper and newspaper. We did the catwalk and everything. It was fun. After the whole ‘ordeal’, it was time to cry. School leavers went out to the stage to share our thoughts. Many of us cried. I was teary eyed when it was my turn to talk. And Valerie was at my side. She kept telling me to express my love to ’someone’, which I can’t. Because before that, someone expressed his love to his love and they got together. A relationship was born. I can’t be a copycat, can I? Back at the male hostel, a group of my close friends and me chatted outside. We chatted a lot. Around 1am, we went back to the room and saw that they were still playing cards. So, we played a while too. When we wanted to sleep, Mou Zheng (A guy from another room but came into our room to sleep) said we can’t sleep. Jian Sheng, Desann and him will ‘body’ the person who sleeps. What is ‘body’? Basically, the person who is at the bottom is the person who is ‘bodied’. People will stack up on him and literally suffocate him. I was ‘bodied’ twice. But at around 2.30am till 3am, we all started to sleep as we were tired.

The last day of choir. We took a lot of photos for memories. At the end, the thoughts sharing continued as there were people who didn’t managed to share their thoughts last night. Next, all the school leavers went up and sang our camp song, the first dance and my number one friend. We all cried and hugged. Some members who aren’t leaving came up to us and cried with us. It was really emotional. We sheded many tears….

Time for me to disappear and shed more tears….

The Last Day of “Death’s Certificate”

Today is the last day of Sijl Pergi Mati, or Death’s certificate, aka our exam, SPM. We should be happy today, right? I’m happy. Damn. Who the hell am I kidding. I’m not that happy. It’s my last day in my school uniform in Chong Hwa. I’m entitled to feeling a little down.

 I spent the last few precious seconds, minutes, hours with Jie Ying and Jun Wen and Hui Ping. First, we went to secret recipe for 2 pieces of cake and I took the liberty of ordering an ice blended cappucino which they (excluding Hui Ping) happily drink it before my mouth even got to the straw. And to think that I paid RM8.90 for it. I pestered them to go eat an early dinner with me as it’s my last day and I need friends with me. So, we went to Batu 5 and ate at a chinese restaurant. Nothing much to say there.

But the sweet thing was, Jun Wen took some Tau-Fu for me and put it on my plate. Aw…. I might just become gay to love him. Hehe. After reaching home, I sms-ed Jun Wen and Jie Ying just to thank them for accompanying me today. Guess what. I managed to make Jie Ying cry because I kept reminding her that I will be leaving. She pleaded me to stay but I can’t stay. I’m so damn sorry.

I’ll just be a little straight here. One of the reasons I’m leaving Chong Hwa is because I can’t stand their stupid computer subject that is in freaking chinese. My chinese is so damn bad that I believe dogs can speak mandrin better than me. Another great reason is… This reason is so great that i think i should get an award for it. It is… love. Well, I love someone and it’s kinda something like a forbidden love. So, I have to leave to run away from it. Yeah, I know. Dumb… Or as Ceci would put it, “Poo Poo Head”.

Well, I guess this is how I kinda ended my High School Life. Of course, i will be damn busy this December. Hehe. All the best to me. Till then, ciao~

Wild Horses

I feel these 4 walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I’m looking out… hmm
Is this my life I’m wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures I’m thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I’ll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I’m longing to
I Wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I’ll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I’m longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
I wanna run too.
Breaklessly abandoning my self before you

I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I’ll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I’m longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
I wanna run with the wild horses

 Valerie introduced this song to me a long time ago. Imagine this picture I’m gonna paint for you xD   Blue Sky. Green Meadows. Flowers everywhere. You as a Wild Stallion running. With the wind blowing your manes. Hm… Doesn’t it make you feel like you can do anything? It’s like we are free. Not bound to any restrictions. Free to do anything. At least till you’re caught by riders. Heh heh~

Now, why am I typing this? Basically, I think it suits me now. My high school life ended and I’m free to explore the whole world, the whole universe and of course ransack my house’s fridge for food. Hehe~ I’m finally free to explore my options and I’m not really ecstatic about it. I thought I would be glad but I’m actually not. I miss my friends.

Miss, is the understatement. I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t really appreciates things until it’s nearly too late. Since young, I didn’t really appreciate friends. I had an unlimited flow of friends. Even when I when to high school, I wasn’t really afraid of being friendless as I had the ‘making-friends-touch’. Notice I use the word had. It is because, I think I lost that touch. Over the years, my friends although have became more and more, but I’ve always stuck to my good old gangs. Gangs like the Tzi Jia gang (Tzi Jia, Ke Shin, Soon Khai and the newly added 2007 Sotong, aka Pei Shan), Choir gang (Too many liao xD) and of course the Canteen gang (Valerie, Kit Ying, Jun Wen, Jun Jie, Chee Hung). My life last year and this year basically revolves around them. And I’m leaving all of those 2 years of friends behind. Imagine the memories made within the 2 years time frame. That’s a lot. I’m kinda afraid I wouldn’t be able to find my own gang in college. I might be an outcast. I can’t!!! I need to have a social life. I yearn to socialize. It’s a part of me.

Enough of ranting already before I get all teary eyed xD I guess I’ll end this blog here. Till then~~

 Wild Horses, I wanna be like you~~~~~~~~~

Empty

The feeling of hollowness has struck me again.  A few days ago, I was franctically studying like a headless chicken trying to find a worm. But now, I have nothing to do. So free. So empty. So full of nothingness. I know during the exam I wished I was bored. But now after the exams (Although I still have 1 chinese paper), I wished I was busy. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side (Or the moon is always rounder on the other side xD). But then again, I wouldn’t want to go through all the hassle of taking my SPM exams again.

You know what? I kinda miss school. No. I’m not out of my mind.  I miss my friends. I miss some teachers that I spend time arguing with (For example Fei Poh Ong Kee Lian and Wee Wang Wang Tan Saw Bee xD). This, too, contributes to the feeling of emptyness. However, I’ll be going to school later for Choir Practice. Hehe~ So, I guess the feeling of emptyness will be gone then as I’m among friend, again, although it is just for a short while. But sweet memories are always formed in a short period of time, isn’t it?

I know I should be studying for my chinese as my chinese sucks. You’ll probably have better luck in teaching a pig to fly than passing my chinese. But if I get an A for my chinese, I won’t be Raymond. Hehe~~

It’s time for me to hit some college websites. Gotta think for my future. Till then~~~

SPM… Sijil Pergi Mati

This is indeed a ‘Sijil Pergi Mati’ exam. After taking a test for 1 hour or so, I would feel like just throwing down the pen, run out of the classroom and jump down the building. Hehe. I always feel suicidal during exams. Can someone come into my school and create a massacre? Just kill me. xD

I swear that I won’t touch Chemistry EVER AGAIN!!!! Gosh. Chemistry paper 2 was like so damn hard! I don’t even know what the question wanted. It might as well be written in Greek. But then again, some part of chemistry is indeed Greek. Hehe. Why did God ever invented this subject? Chemistry. It kills. By just looking at the word, you know it spells trouble. And my chemistry teacher says that chemistry is ‘easy’. Bah! Hambug.

It seems that the Add Maths test paper was being leaked out. Why would anyone wants to buy Add Maths test paper…. It is kinda easy. At least to me. Wakaka~~ Yeah. I do sound arrogant there. But I wouldn’t ever buy leaked paper. It’s so unfair. Here we are reading our books like if-we-don’t-finish-it-we-will-be-toast. And there they are ‘goyang’-ing their feet and sleeping peacefully. Someone! PUNISH THEM!!!

I guess it’s time for me to hit the books, again. Like you say Johnny, I don’t need luck. I need MIRACLES!!!

End of my High School Life

Name: High School Life
Born: January 2003
“Died”: 7th November 2007
R.I.P

My high school life has ended. I still remember the first time I stepped into Chong Hwa. How I hated this school. I learnt that hate can blossom into love. When I was form 1, I wanted to get out from CH asap. Now, I’m form 5. I finally got what I want. But, is that really what I want? Do I really want to leave Chong Hwa? No. I don’t want. I don’t want to leave my school. I don’t want to leave my second home, choir. I know. I have the option to study form 6. But, I don’t think I can cope with Chinese. I made a huge step in deciding to study at CH. It’s time for me to leave. 5 years in CH. 5 years of memories. 5 years of love/hate relationship. All left of it are memories.

Life in CH is really wonderful. I have loads of friends that leads to heaps of memories. All these memories, I will bring it with me at all times. I shall always remember all of my friends. It’s only been a few days after the last day of school (Not counting SPM). However, I’ve already started to feel hollow. It’s like I’ve lost a part of me. A feeling of lonelyness is creeping upon me. And I have to fend it of by myself, with my memories as my weapon.  

Soon, it will be time for me to step into college/uni life. That is another great step for me. Another story to go down in ‘The Saga Of My Life’. Of that, I will be reminising again 4-5 years later. Hopefully, I will make as many friends as I did in high school.

I have a confession to make. I do not hate 5S3 anymore. It’s the best class a guy could ever have. I’ve learnt to love my class instead of hating my class, like I did when the year started. 5s3 will always be in my mind. I will never forget the things we did together. Friends forever!!!

Monday, is the dreaded day of the year. Yes. It’s signifies the start of SPM (Sijil Pergi Mati). I hope to do well in this exam so that I can qualify to a good college and have a bright FUTURE!! W00H00!! Wish me luck guys!!!

To all who are taking SPM this year, GOOD LUCK!!!

 

 

Raymond

 

PS: http://www.friendster.com/giomanach  There are many photos (Memories) there. Go take a look!

Ye Olde Holidays

It’s that time again. The special holidays for us students who aren’t sitting for PMR. But it’s different for me. This holidays are supposed to be ’study hols’ for me, to which I haven’t been utilizing it well. Let’s see what I have been doing for the past few days:

1. Wake Up
2. Switch on computer
3. Eat a little
4. Take a nap
5. Play more computer
6. Eat dinner with parents
7. Playing computer again…. But this time while convincing my parents I studied all morning and afternoon long while they were at work.
8. Sleep again

And the cycle goes on each day. But on some special days when I’m feeling bored, I’ll just take out my bio/chem/physics/maths or whatever that is within my reach to just flip though it and fall asleep while drooling on the pages.

Yes. I’m pathetic. I NEED A LIFE!!!